And everyone hated me.

Whenever this was brought to my attention, I was like “oh okay, I didn’t know that but okay…” I mean what are supposed to say whenever you hear something like this? I am telling you one thing, this job has been a test since the day that I started there but I am seeing one thing about the test…it keeps coming back……IN THE SAME EXACT FORM. It’s like I haven’t passed it the first time, or second time, or third time or whenever and when I was thinking about it for a while the only thing that I can say that this is true I haven’t passed the test. Instead of giving in to God I’ve been playing right along with the world and what I thought would do the trick. I am young. I am young, I am still learning and that means that I am not always going to take the high road in sticky situations. It’s tough because I don’t like being challenged but as I have heard so many times before whenever people through Christian broadcast would say that God allows Satan to tests us and not because God doesn’t love us either. And I keep thinking, “well I got God, I’mma just let Him handle it…” and then end up with egg on my face because I end up handling it in the WRONG WAY.

The simple thought is enough to make you start second guessing everything though. I went to God first and then my mom for the motherly support and being that she deals with hectic things on her job all the time. I wasn’t crying about it though and I don’t feel like I will because as I mentioned before I know who I am and I know that I am flawed and I know that I take the low road the majority of the time. These tests set me up to feel like everyone expects me to start crying, being weak or to be a mean person when they have no idea what I deal with or am going through as if it were okay to antagonize me when I’m down. And because I don’t like pulling the, “feel sorry for me” card or some “sympathy story“, I have been doing the BEST thing that I know how, which is to just deal with it. I have things that are bugging me now but I just deal with it and know that this is just life. I will say I had to take a double take which ended up in me questioning about if this was the reason that I didn’t have a lot of things in my life. I mean I was finally free of thinking in a “I’m not up to par with every other 20+ year old…” with the marriages, families, houses, nice cars, college degrees and working in nice careers thoughts. I figured this was how I came off to a lot of people because to be honest this isn’t the first time that me or my ways (personality) has been talked about and complained over. I felt a flashback. I wanted to catch myself before things went too far and I keep that fact in mind but it still makes me wonder. I just hope that I don’t wander too far down this road again because if I do, I am afraid it may bring up something else that was old…and only God knows what this is to me. Then if that is this case, I just pray that I can do a better job of passing this test this time around because I don’t have time to go all the way back to square one again. I can’t, I just can’t.

Can you stop a storm before it happens?

the stormWell can you? Some would say no because you are not God and do not have those type of abilities but let’s look at this in the life aspect. You’ve been receiving the signs, given the proper forecast warning you about the severity of the storm to come. So you start preparing for it like its here already, acting paranoid skipping assignments and just overall acting crazy behind this storm. But. But no matter how much preparation you do before the storm, you still end up getting stuck inside one…and you wonder what it is you did wrong. Well what on Earth could this girl be talking about? I am talking about the storms of life and the warning signs we get to avoid them but still end up having to endure these storms. It is so weird how you could even have dreams about something bad happening and depending on how you interpret the dream you could end up in some mess either way the interpretation goes or living in fear because of the dream.

I have had this happen to me before and no matter how much I blew the dreams off, they still came into existence and it drove me crazy that I wasn’t able to stop it. What’s the point of being shown what is going to happen if you cannot make the choice to avoid it, like that is so crazy to me. Do not get me wrong though, there are dreams that I had where I defeated the storm and I was shown them in my waking life but I do wonder what could have happened if things went the other way. Was it because I was “prayed up” even though in many instances I was caught sinning? No matter how prayed up you are, you still experience hard times as a Christian so I am not sure what it was. It just makes me wonder if we really have control over the choices we make and don’t make. Some would say that we don’t but even then with this statement that I just wrote, I still believe that WE DO have control over the choices that we make in life and that is THAT. No, you may not be able to stop a storm from coming, but with God there helping guide you into the right choices (if you chose to listen to Him) then I believe that you can be better prepared for the storm and whatever aftermath that may come. Please remember this whenever you step into something unexpected that God loves you and would never want to see you in any type of pain. You must learn to let go of your flesh and start to trust Him because believe me when I say this, His got the master plan to work it all out. Love you all. <3

You will NEVER know someone else’ struggle.

And it’s so amazing how many of us continue on in life with smiles and happiness galore. I started this out one way but after a while of thinking about it, I would like to take another route. It just seems like today, we are having to do MORE work to be LESS satisfied–why is that? I mean after all, all of this new age inventions were meant to give us way more leisure time than working time. Now in today’s world, I am seeing people actually picking up two sometimes three jobs just to make ends me. Umm, that doesn’t sound right. I myself used to think about getting second jobs while in my first initial job because almost everyone I worked with had second jobs and they were my age, younger or adults. Many of them complained but others kept on keeping on. It reminds me of a girl who was in my Chemistry lab class and she was a EMT or a paramedic and she was coming into class knowing what she was doing. But there were times where I looked at her and she looked like she was about to fall asleep in midair. I wanted to ask for her help with some problems but I felt too bad to even be that selfish. She was smart though and I guess the reason she was working a full-time job and going to school (which they say is a no-no for science majors) was of personal matters so you just never know. You will never know someone else’ struggle and how they are dealing with it without having to go public with it. I too have been learning to NOT OPEN MY MOUTH about the personal things that are going on with me. It’s almost like whenever I do, things really get worse and so I just learn to stop speaking on my weary situations and to start speaking on my future victories. I know I don’t do so well with saying, “thank you Jesus” for the good and the bad but with everything happening, I am able to see that it is God working in my better good. Thank you God and I am going to keep on keeping on and do better to COMPLAIN LESS and PRAISE MORE. Peace <3