And dealing with it. So. Umm lately I have been dealing with some people that don’t really seem too happy about the things that I’ve done for them or gifts given and one thing is for sure when this feeling comes to you it sucks. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I was just didn’t worry about it but I am so used to this kind of stuff happening to me and it hurts. I don’t know what makes some people think that they need to be everyone’s priority or that I should have done what I did. And then in one case I felt some weird vibes from someone and for some reason I just had it on my mind that they really didn’t like the gift that I got for them. I can understand this. Maybe I should have asked if they would like what I was going to give to them, you know thinking that we were on same level so since this was a fact that they would like what I liked but I guess not huh. I guess a bad gift can really cause people to ignore you and throw shade but was it that serious? If I did something for you it came from the heart and because I care about you but nowadays people focus so much on whether or not you have a good job to ensure that this person will bring you a great gift.

This same reason is why the holidays are meaningless now because everyone wants expensive gifts instead of those two things you will never be able to buy, LOVE and TIME. I enjoy spending the holidays with my family but I remember there being times around Christmas when some were annoyed with whatever on that day. I was like, “oh my, are you serious?! God woke you up this morning, be thankful!“. Now I think it may be better to start spending the holidays alone, where I can enjoy my own company. To me, it isn’t about gift giving or just coming together to eat but the time that we spend together is always awesome to me; I love it. Even if many people were making $1,000,000 dollars a day, how much you want to bet they will still be plum miserable. I guess this is just going to be one of my rants for the day though. Like I said, things like that upset me because I know that I put a lot of thought into many things that I do for people but I also know I got to keep kicking. Experiences like the ones I’ve gotten make you open your eyes and hope and pray that you didn’t treat someone else with ungratefulness too. You must always be careful not to do what was wrongfully done to you unto others as well.

Angry feelings.

Today would have made one year for me…not that counting time would make the situation any better. Only me and the good Lord know what I am talking about though. I just wish that things would have been different but I keep asking myself why I keep holding on to it. Let it go, but I just am baffled by what all happened for me. Every time I think about it I am reminded of how I was the one that messed up things but yet I keep searching for other things to be the blame. Part of the problem I could place on someone else but what good would that do? I feel like I have made so many mistakes with this and that there isn’t anything that I could do to possibly fix it. I don’t see any way out of it so I am having to face it and by myself. I feel so trapped and let down and to have it playing back in my mind is even worse. With angry feelings I am making choices right now and none that I feel like are the ones that I want but more so what everyone else wants and the though of that is draining me. Doing my best to just let it go but these angry feelings just won’t subside…what can one do?