No college degree and no money!? Now what? Okay so like I am in a period of another self reflection trying to figure out if going back to school to finish my degree is worth it. Along with that, I am trying to figure out if I need to change my major again to something that is easier. I have been using my down time to think about how I can make college work for me. Nothing but nothing is coming to my mind. If I change my major, I am going to have to really focus hard on another major and all my credits will be lost. If I don’t change my major, I don’t think I will be able to face anymore classes within my major with much confidence. I did come up with something but I wasn’t sure if it was worth doing but the more it comes to my mind it makes sense to me. I just wish that I wouldn’t have taken so much time to figure things out for me in school because that was money wasted. But I don’t want to keep being so hard on myself about money wasted and what not, I just want to finish college with a degree of my choice. Hmm…that reminds me of something.
I there was a point where I felt like college was useless and getting a degree wasn’t in my near future because I could live without one. During my time alone in Alabama I soon discovered how hard it was just to get a job that paid well and that offered good benefits. All I had on my mind was being able to get a good full time job and saving up money for a car. If things worked out for me like this, then I wouldn’t need to go back to college to get a degree. I would be working, making good money, have a car and soon be able to make a move towards a house. Reality hit me so hard in the face when I kept getting all those rejection letters for jobs that I applied for that I think I went into a small depression. It was so unreal because the jobs that I was going for seemed like entry level jobs and were for full time but I just never met the requirements. Getting a full time job was harder than I had imagined and I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong. I started doubting me and my ability to do anything at times because I felt like finding a job shouldn’t have been that hard. Places were saying that they were hiring but kept rejecting my applications. Why was that?
Once I gave up on looking for full time jobs, I started going back to looking for part time jobs and the fact that I wanted to have two part time jobs. But sadly they too rejected my applications and I could never understand why. I kept trying at the same businesses until it was time for me to finally leave Alabama. Very distraught about the rejection letters, my mind kept venturing back to the fact that “hey maybe you should try to finish school…“. And I was like, “NO! NO! TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY! I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! TAKE IT AWAY!!!” (in reference to the episode with Felix the Cat in Bold King Cole in the video at the 5:00 mark LOL) because I just felt like I could seriously live off of just working a full time job or two part time jobs and take care of myself…but I was wrong. How so? There are many people who don’t have college degrees and are in very well paying careers…that’s just it. They are in CAREERS and I am in JOBS. Jobs, unfortunately do not last always or as long as you will need them to. In a job if you are not someone who is full time or calling the shots, hours get cut. If you are an hourly employee, then if time gets cut that means less money for you. I was so hurt by the truth but I kind of already knew it but I just wanted to give my wishful thinking a chance. Okay, but still now what?