I have had more than enough time to sit out and think about what I wanted and where I was going. I got to say though, I have pushed back the thought of finishing college so many times because I felt comfortable in my situation. I figured, “well hey I don’t have any kids, no real responsibilities so I should be fine…” but the one thing kept coming into my mind. I wanted a house of my own, a car, and more money from the job that I had and nothing was ever seeming like it would notice me to get me where I needed to go. And how could it? Everything that was available I didn’t qualify for it so I kept thinking that my current situation was okay because there was no way out. I thought that I shouldn’t want for more but once I got deeper into the current job I started waking up from this daze. And it’s weird because I figured it was dealing with the people that would make me crack but it wasn’t, it was the money. Let me say this, and I thank God for allowing others to show me the truth, that no matter how high up you are or how low you stand the people and dealing with them will ALWAYS BE THE SAME OUTLOOK. Some people are so miserable with great paying jobs just as those are with not so great paying jobs but can I really say that this is sad?
You would think that they wouldn’t have problems and would at least be happier than what they are but then again look at the attitudes of those with not so great paying jobs and how they come off to people. I think it is time for us to drop the, “those who have less are more grateful” act because this is not always true. I am an example of that. I remember not having that much so whenever I was blessed with a job, I became very stingy with my money and food. Always making sure that I had something and never really wanting to share. Fast food was a luxury and I would spend (and still do) big bucks on fast food because I could (can now) afford it and it’s costing me financially and health wise. It is almost an addition to spend money on food rather than to buy something to make a meal for everyone. I just have to spend that dollar and it is almost as if I am trying to ensure that no one will ask for that same dollar from me; don’t ask me for money. Coming from the situation of not having money and now having money has made me pretty heartless at times. I hate sharing, don’t ask me for NOTHING and I just want to have my money and spend it too. I guess I am crazy but I have been burned so many times by others behind money and them thinking it was okay to get me to pay for things that they didn’t want to pay for (or couldn’t because they didn’t want to get their own money by choice). Or them saying things like, “you got money…” but yet I am living check to check.
When I first got this job, I started knocking down petty bills that I had that went into collections. And ugh did they use to bother me about this one and that one with phone calls and letters in the mail. Now that they are all paid off, they can’t even send me a, “thank you” for doing so and they surely made no efforts in taking them off of my credit report (which I am just now finding this out being that I spoke with them about it after it was made official but I got attitudes from one and a promise that it would be taken care of from another). If I take the time to look at my spending, which I have been trying to do my best to track, I can see where I am forking out the most and it is still on bills and fast foods. I am subscribed to things that I shouldn’t be and I am not using the most important subscriptions that I have and that is not good. Every time I try to slow down and make a list of everything that I am spending on I get upset, close the laptop and go to sleep. I am not sure, if you space your bills out then you should be fine living paycheck to paycheck with some extra cushion in the bank but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t always use more. So with that said, yeah money plays a HUGE part in wanting to finish college and get into a better paying career. That and the fact that I miss that interaction that I got in all of my other jobs, which were all in retail. I miss talking to people and that’s weird because I am generally quiet unless you bother me but after all those years of having to do it I got used to speaking to people more and more. Until now, I never realized how much of a luxury a simple piece of paper with your name and a seal stamp indicating that you completed so many years in this field or that field could keep you from getting X-amount more in dollars. Man, and that piece of paper also lets others know if you are qualified or not…NO MATTER WHAT DEGREE YOU HAVE. You could be a Biology major working in a classroom or a English major working in a plant…okay some of those are off but you get what I am saying right. It’s finally time to turn My College Daze into My College Days, because I’m woke now and I am ready to start trying again. See you all soon.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh you take some down…baby stop that student loan debt ain’t going no where. What was I doing in college to have racked up a bill for 36,000+?! And NO DEGREE TO SHOW FOR IT?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! Like I am not even sure how to start paying this off! And I know some of you are just like, “well that’s not bad at all that’s the price of a car…” please forgive me for the thoughts that I just thought. Continue. I can’t get into school anymore without paying that off and I have no degree so I cannot get a decent paying job to help with paying this off; I am trapped. I am not going to blame Sallie Mae because it isn’t the company’s fault. I have always said if I could go back I would have started at a community college but I would have started college…WHEN ALEXA WAS READY and I would have been able to avoid all of the retakes of classes, dorm room fees, meal plans and any other extra costs that they take out whenever you stay on campus. I think that was by far the worse financial decision that I could have made in college, you know staying on campus. Get ready for my explanation folks, sheesh.
It was never something that was affordable for me but because this one and that one and whispers in my ear I did what I thought was best and now I regret it. I am working now but this job isn’t bringing in that much for me to save for a car and pay that dinosaur of debt off! Wahh!!! I am not saying it is impossible, I am TELLING YOU that this is impossible. Gosh I really wish I was one of the students whose parents could have afforded to put her through school right about now. All I wanted was a degree and it ended up costing me so much. But on a serious note, I am seriously not alone. I know that there are millions (okay maybe not that many people, I don’t think) of people struggling with paying off their financial aid debts to society and it stinks. Like seriously, it makes you wonder who dropped the ball with this growing debt. Did I not read closely for the candidates that I chose in previous elections or what? You can vote either Democrat or Republic all day long but one thing is for sure, neither side is working on this student debt issue.
Some argue that education should be free and I disagree with that 100%. Why? Why because I know what it is like to have a parent who is in the education system and is living inch by inch on grants and fears of budget cuts and job losses. My mom lost her job teaching because of a college degree that she didn’t have and money shortages in the program. It was hard to watch her struggle with worries and such to the point I made a vow never to go into education for myself even though almost everyone suggested it for me. Horrible pay was always the talk around education but yet so many were still going into this field. Just because my bad experience with education I can’t fix my mouth to say that education should be free. I believe it should be a reasonable price, meaning college education but no one wants to look at it that way. Saying that education should be free is like saying gasoline should be free and if that were the case many of you would be jobless right now…just saying. I do believe that college education should come at a price, but never a hindrance. Sigh, but it’s going to work out for me I believe this. I believe that I will be able to finish my degree in college and take control of my financial part of me again. Yes, it keeps upsetting me but for now I am going to let it go and move on to something else…information technology.
No college degree and no money!? Now what? Okay so like I am in a period of another self reflection trying to figure out if going back to school to finish my degree is worth it. Along with that, I am trying to figure out if I need to change my major again to something that is easier. I have been using my down time to think about how I can make college work for me. Nothing but nothing is coming to my mind. If I change my major, I am going to have to really focus hard on another major and all my credits will be lost. If I don’t change my major, I don’t think I will be able to face anymore classes within my major with much confidence. I did come up with something but I wasn’t sure if it was worth doing but the more it comes to my mind it makes sense to me. I just wish that I wouldn’t have taken so much time to figure things out for me in school because that was money wasted. But I don’t want to keep being so hard on myself about money wasted and what not, I just want to finish college with a degree of my choice. Hmm…that reminds me of something.
I there was a point where I felt like college was useless and getting a degree wasn’t in my near future because I could live without one. During my time alone in Alabama I soon discovered how hard it was just to get a job that paid well and that offered good benefits. All I had on my mind was being able to get a good full time job and saving up money for a car. If things worked out for me like this, then I wouldn’t need to go back to college to get a degree. I would be working, making good money, have a car and soon be able to make a move towards a house. Reality hit me so hard in the face when I kept getting all those rejection letters for jobs that I applied for that I think I went into a small depression. It was so unreal because the jobs that I was going for seemed like entry level jobs and were for full time but I just never met the requirements. Getting a full time job was harder than I had imagined and I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong. I started doubting me and my ability to do anything at times because I felt like finding a job shouldn’t have been that hard. Places were saying that they were hiring but kept rejecting my applications. Why was that?
Once I gave up on looking for full time jobs, I started going back to looking for part time jobs and the fact that I wanted to have two part time jobs. But sadly they too rejected my applications and I could never understand why. I kept trying at the same businesses until it was time for me to finally leave Alabama. Very distraught about the rejection letters, my mind kept venturing back to the fact that “hey maybe you should try to finish school…“. And I was like, “NO! NO! TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY! I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! TAKE IT AWAY!!!” (in reference to the episode with Felix the Cat in Bold King Cole in the video at the 5:00 mark LOL) because I just felt like I could seriously live off of just working a full time job or two part time jobs and take care of myself…but I was wrong. How so? There are many people who don’t have college degrees and are in very well paying careers…that’s just it. They are in CAREERS and I am in JOBS. Jobs, unfortunately do not last always or as long as you will need them to. In a job if you are not someone who is full time or calling the shots, hours get cut. If you are an hourly employee, then if time gets cut that means less money for you. I was so hurt by the truth but I kind of already knew it but I just wanted to give my wishful thinking a chance. Okay, but still now what?
Now that I am in a period where I can really look back and the things that happened with me in college and what went wrong, I have noticed and observed a lot about myself. The biggest mistake that I made was putting others way before myself. Though my intentions were good, I got carried away with trying to make things better for my family instead of focusing on school and homework. Ever since I was younger, I always thought about ways I could make life easier for my family and me. With doing so, I started stressing and worrying about things that a 19 year old shouldn’t. I never should have made everyone else’ financial issues my main prerogative but since it felt like no one else was doing anything then I decided to take on the challenge. I was never able to separate school and my home life and it became impossible for me to concentrate on school…so I didn’t.
Whenever I would mess up in school, I would stress. Whenever I would hear about the financial problems at home, I would stress. Whenever I thought about making a career for myself and how I could help everyone else, I would stress. Looking back, I wish I would been able to see that stressing over my situations wasn’t going to solve anything for me. To be honest if I could go back, I would have NEVER STARTED college back in 2009. Why? The reason I feel like I shouldn’t have started college then was because I had too much set on my mind to try to accomplish. I wasn’t ready to start school when I did but because of pressure about it, I figured that I should at least start now and then maybe I will eventually like it and become confident in the major I am pursuing…and this was wrong. If I had my way, I would’ve worked a few more years until I really figured out what I was interesting in doing in college. I felt like I also got carried away with keeping up with those who I graduated with. My mom told me that everyone has their own pace and that college wasn’t a race but it never helped me with feeling like I was taking too long to finish. I kept rushing it and rushing it and it ended up costing me so much, GPA wise and financially.
While in one major, I was always thinking about another major and this hurt me too. My double major was in something that was completely different from the other and it was hard to keep up with both. I realize that many students deal with the fact of not knowing what they are truly going to college for and that is COMPLETELY NORMAL. I know that people say that college is a learning experience and everyone’s experience isn’t going to be perfect. For some people, it just takes a while to get adjusted to certain places and situations. If anything, it just would have been nice to have had better confidence in a major that I was going for. This, and it would have made a difference if I really put a lot more effort than I was. With the Biology major, I learned that it takes time and sacrificing the things you want to do in order to get to where you are going especially if you are calling yourself a “medical major“. Now that I am out of school, I see it’s hard to get a full time job that pays very well unless you have that college degree…the one thing that is holding me back.
I have been thinking about my talents and hobbies trying to see if there is anything that interests me enough to major into it. I have taken so many career placement tests and they repeatedly tell me the same thing. I guess I am just being stubborn because nothing on the list is getting my attention. I could force myself to like Psychology again but it is truly heartbreaking to have to let one dream go because it just wasn’t working out to pick up another one. I guess that is life though because not everyone makes it and you just have to keep a kicking. I have been doing some research on what I could do with a Psychology degree for myself and how I could try to like it for college sake. When I think of having to like something that wasn’t intended for me, it makes me think about if finishing would be worth it since I can’t get what I want out of college. I have been dealing with these feelings a lot lately and before I make another move on school, I just want to know that it is the best option for me. College has indeed matured me a lot and I learned that I needed to put myself first before worrying about the things that I couldn’t control.
So now what? I have posted my college experience up to the point of the last time where I was in school. I haven’t got much more to say about college. Why is that? One because I am not finished with college so my story pretty much ended. Bummer. I am doing my best to try to find another job that I can make some extra cash to pay off some of my petty bills right now and I have been working on my site a lot more but that still doesn’t say what’s going to be happening with my “My College Daze” posts. I am not going to stop them into I finish, if I finish, college but for now, I am going to be writing under the category still. From now until I go back, I am going to be making posts about what I could have done or what I would have LIKED to have done and hopefully sharing some of my resources and advice through my posts. I know they are pretty naked right now and need some pictures, yes yes I think about that all the time. I am trying get my Flickr account up and going again then I should be able to do some small editing on my computer so that I can make some blog photos for you. Oh that reminds me! Speaking of photos and photography…well I will let that interest fact be known later down the road :) See you soon!