Well at least this time with the move, we are back in Livingston Parish so I can’t complain about that. It was pretty sporadic and hurried but we are here and we are still settling in. I am not really feeling any big emotions right now and I guess that is because I am dealing with some other things but hopefully whenever I get more of a chance to come on here and write I will. My computer gave up on me, (very sad) so I am not sure where to go from here with that little situation. I am here (mentally) but I am still struggling with trying to catch myself and stay focused. I hope that I will be able to catch up with things soon before it gets too late (in reference to school). Sigh. Not much else to say on this blog but I am going to try to write a lot more than I have been. See you sometime soon.
And this is very true because I do have a lot to say and to certain people that just don’t want to listen. I have learned from experience that you just can’t force someone to do something, they have to want it on their own and I believe that goes both ways too. What I mean by that is that you can’t be forced into doing something that someone else wants you to do or that they feel would be better for you. I have been in this position a many of times and it is always like I am having to deal with aggressive people who want you to ALWAYS see things their way. This is good only in some situations. For example, if you are a hard headed person dealing with another hard headed person, it sometimes may be a good thing that you are able to be aggressive with them so that they can somehow see that your way isn’t because it’s your way but a better choice. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am dealing with a lot of things right now but I don’t have anyone to really talk to them about. I have been having dreams showing me things but because I am unsure how to interpret them, I just sweep them up under the rugs and forget about them and that’s not good. It isn’t good because I know that I am going to have to face the same problem again so if I don’t face them and solve them now I am not sure how I am going to make it through the next.
I am not at a stressed level just yet and I don’t want to search for it either. I feel fine stress wise but I am very concerned about some of the things, signs, that I am getting. It’s kind of like I am trying to prevent the future from happening but I don’t know what steps to do to take them. I don’t like being in environments where I have to deal with other stressed people because that really brings a damper on everyone. In my attempts to try to comfort someone that I love, it just seems like I am making it worse and that makes me feel bad. I don’t like feeling like something is wrong with someone, especially with my mom (the person whom I am talking about). Yes I understand we still may not have a home yet but we are in a better situation than we were before and our situation isn’t as horrible as it could be. Hmm. I can’t force you to be happy because in doing so, that makes me unhappy because I can’t accomplish what I am trying to do which is make sure you’re okay. All in all I think it’s just finally time to start taking care of me. I am ready to start working on this for myself and I have been blessed enough to get the opportunity that I have gotten (and I will talk about that later on) so I just want to smile. Yeah I’m homeless. I don’t have a car, I have some student loans to pay off and I am still in college. My clothes aren’t that nice and sometimes my hair isn’t either. But. But I know that somewhere someone has it 10 times worse and I also know that somewhere while this person is going through their storm that they are smiling all the way through it and I am going to smile too.
On a brighter note, I finally fixed my RSS feed (Thank you Jesus!) and I am going to still keep up with my posts on My College Daze. I am going to be editing them though so they are smaller and easier to read cause I really would like to share my college experience with the next person. So that way they can see that the things that they are worried about they don’t have to stress about. See you later.
I know I haven’t been writing much on us moving back to Head of Island, Louisiana but that was mainly because every small update I had to force out of my mother during the semester. That, and the fact that I just didn’t want to think about my home during school. Honestly, I wasn’t stressed out about not having a home but that was only when I wasn’t in a situation where I had to think about it. When I would get into those spots, I would almost instantly become upset. It has been a lot for me to stop and think where we are now and the fact that it is NOT AS BAD AS IT COULD BE. My Grandmother keeps telling me that and I know that this is true and that the stress behind it is unnecessary. But I do feel like I don’t have any other outlets available to me to relieve my stress, that and I haven’t been looking for free ones that didn’t involve me driving off into the sunset. I know that some people are experiencing way worse in their lives and I should be thankful that it is only this. Going through this has been showing me that I need to be a lot more grateful and more humble than I have been. Yes, I have always been a nice person but sometimes you do lose your nice ways and forget where you came from.
I think many people think that people who are poorer have the tendency to be nicer and more giving, caring and sharing. Well over the years of having being lied to about many things, being taken advantage of, broken promises, food shortages and etc. I picked up on the arts of just looking out for me and only me. The little bit that I had was MINE and to share sometimes made me sad because I would feel like what I had was so little already. I felt like everything that I had, I deserved because I worked hard for it and got it MYSELF. I didn’t like seeing when someone would have food and I didn’t but in turn I would have food but I didn’t share. I know what that’s like. I know what it’s like to only have so much cash but have to spend it on other people; it’s a scary thing being in those feelings. It often aches my heart to say, “I will help.” with something knowing that I don’t have it in the first place but I need to do the right thing.
I guess being out of my old house has been a way for me to see that the old me wasn’t going down the right path. You can be the sweetest, nicest person and still not go to heaven and I feel like this was me. I never knew this much about me until now and it’s quite scary. The fall semester I got to learn about my many positive attributes but in the spring semester I learned that I was still in a place that I shouldn’t be…and I am still learning too. Now that I have given you that long history lesson (LOL) I want to talk about the good news that my mother heard about the house! I am not sure if I mentioned this on here, probably not because I have been so busy to write, but…hold on let me start a new sentence (I hate long sentences…). Some weeks after Hurricane Issac, our home had so much water damage to it that we had to throw everything away and with our house being as old as it was the water just was the last straw. We got help from some volunteers to come in and they ripped EVERYTHING up out of the house. (Thanks Catholic Charities I believe that was the name of their group).
After that, the house was like completely empty with just the front door to hold it. It was really just the house left. My mother tried to get assistance before with either helping remodel or tear down the home but we had no luck. It wasn’t until the middle of May whenever my mother got a call from another worker saying that they could help us with our case. I would have sounded happier whenever my mother gave me the message but I had had something else worrying me so I couldn’t really express me so well. Well my mother has been keeping in contact with these people and I am so glad that they are willing to help us out. Last Monday, she got some more news but it wasn’t about the house yet but it was still good news! I can’t really say what it was but I hope to soon be able to give a more detail update on us getting back to Head of Island, Louisiana! Take care and see you soon!
Story: President Obama signs La. disaster declaration for Jan. flooding
Story credit: WAFB
I gotta say, Louisiana well Head of Island, Louisiana, has been flooding really bad after Hurricane Isaac I don’t know why. I have never seen flooding like this before and it does worry me. My family and I are STILL NOT BACK IN OUR HOME. We’ve been out of Head of Island since September and I miss my home dearly. The house that we were living in got condemned and so we can’t go back there to live in it. It’s been hard for all of us because we all grew up in that house, which belonged to my Great Grandmother. Though my small family and I did move to Hammond for only a short period, I can basically say that we grew up in Head of Island because that’s where we all started. It’s weird. It’s weird to pass my home up when we take the long way to bring my back to Hammond for school (I stay on campus) and I know that I can’t go back home. We can go into the house but we can’t live in it and for a while I have been dealing with I guess you can say, separation anxiety. Though I miss my home a lot, I am not under a great amount of stress and I try not to think of this situation as us “being homeless”. We are blessed enough to have family members to open up their homes to us and that makes me feel a lot better.
But as I was saying, after the extreme flooding with Hurricane Issac Head of Island well okay Livingston Parish as a whole seems to be flooding really bad. I remember wanting to go home some time in January just to check on the house and such and it had been raining for a day or two. Before Hurricane Issac, a lengthy rain wouldn’t flood our roads bad but whenever we went back home to check on the house, it was really bad and I didn’t understand why. I was quite sad and shed a little tear. This had me thinking that Head of Island was going to turn into its own little river. To disprove this statement of mine, I see that many of the people that had to evacuate ARE coming back to Head of Island and STRONGER too. My family and I hope to be back home soon and with a better flooding approach. But, I do see that we aren’t the only ones dealing with this bad flooding. A friend from high school was telling me that ever since Isaac, the part where her family live has been flooding really bad too. Man, so this article that I picked up is about President Obama signing a disaster declaration for the January flooding issues. I am not quite sure what they are going to be planning to do but I do whatever happens I hope it solves this issue of bad flooding down home. Some of the parishes that will be included into this declaration are Livingston Parish, Catahoula, Concordia, and Vermilion (I’ve never even heard of these last 3 parishes). But yeah I hope that all goes well with this and I will keep up with posting information about it.
My post on Hurricane Isaac: Hurricane Isaac Aftermath.
So yeah you guys, what’s up? I have been doing pretty OKAY emphases on OKAY because things around me are not so okay…they are a little bit worse. Alright I don’t want to sound like a “drama queen” or anything like that I surely don’t want to sound ungrateful either but I just feel like, I don’t know I know I don’t feel too happy with myself. Sigh. I am just stressing about my home state more than anything because all of a sudden, it hit me that we can’t go back to our home. As of now, we are staying in a motel I believe or a hotel, one of the two because I am not sure what the difference is between them. I think we were only supposed to stay here until the first I believe but last week or week before last my mom found an apartment complex that would accept us to stay there. I was relieved because I did feel real bad being away from my mom and sister while they were in the hotel and I was in my dorm so I just had my heart set on that place but we got some bad news.
Yesterday, I called my mom to see how she was doing because she managed to catch a cold and wasn’t really sounding so well the last time we spoke. So whenever I called her to see how she was doing, she told me how she was denied the apartments that we were going to move into because of her financial situation. I was upset because I just had my mind set on her being able to move into a home and out of this hotel (which don’t get me wrong this hotel is real nice) but that didn’t happen. I wasn’t totally upset though and I think that is because I am still in a daze with everything. I will try to explain things a little better. It’s just been my mom, sister and I ever since we were younger well born really and we have been in this same financial state since my mom had us. All through elementary and high school my mom had to struggle to get things for my sister and I and there were those some times where she really didn’t have it. Seeing my mom like this even as a child made me wish that I could win some large amount of cash so that we could get out of this.
And now being a senior in college seeing that things are STILL the same, just eats me up inside. I feel like nothing has gotten better (it’s not a feeling, nothing really hasn’t improved) and that I am just living my life in circles. I feel more lonely than ever and if I am not around my mom and sister then the feeling is worse, hence why every weekend my freshmen and sophomore year I would just want to come home on the weekend, knowing that our home situation wasn’t the best especially for me to study in because I would sit at the computer and just browse the internet for stuff. You know those movies were the families go through things growing up but things eventually get better? I figured after I graduated from high that one of them Lifetime movies would be me…but things didn’t happen like that for me.
Right now, I would rather say that things are okay and that we are blessed than to complain because I don’t have an angry spirit like I did before. I don’t feel bad whenever I see others with the things that I wish my mom could afford for myself and herself. Right now, I am inserted into the situation but I am watching myself and my family from afar. I am not going to try to figure out why things are like they are because doing so makes me sick. I just would rather keep on keeping on in hopes that things will get better without me even noticing because as of now, I just decided to stop worrying about it. I have a strong feeling that this thing will fix itself but not if I keep dwelling on it. Thanks.