Haa ha. Haa ha. Sorry that was from napoleon dynamite but anyway it is pertaining to something that I have been begging myself to do…slim down. I feel so bad right now and I don’t mean bad as in emotions wise. I feel pretty yucky again and I am not sure what the cause of it is. I rarely eat meals but I can get my hands on a snack and fast food easily and I think I am starting to feel the results of the snack attack and fast food frenzy weighing down on me. I figured it would be better not to stress about losing weight right now because I am in a living situation that is pretty stressful and has caused me to gain weight because of it. But with that fact, I am not sure how much more I can take of just eating reckless like this, I might as well do something right? I am not showing the stress and I have been doing pretty well with keeping it to myself but I know that if I don’t find something soon, that stress will explode into something very un-pretty and I really would hate for that to happen. Car-less it is hard for me to find a way to get back and forth to a gym so I don’t have that option. I could come up with other ways for me to work out though. I guess I spend so much time on Tumblr re-blogging pictures of people who go to the gym and pump iron like beasts and who have six-packs. I guess I feel like I need a gym to lose weight and that dieting won’t do anything for me. It is going to work out, it will and I would like to keep track of my progress through my blog on here. I am going to start up soon but everything has to fall into place correctly though. I am not in a rush to do this so that is what is helping with keeping me calm. See you guys soon and I will starting that weight loss blogs soon. <3
And I already know that doing so isn’t good. For starters, I am not dying and I am in pretty okay health conditions. The only thing that is weighing me down is my weight, like literally. I never realized how much I had gained back after I had lost a good bit while in Alabama. Why(how) did I lose weight in Alabama? Well I walked to many of my locations that I needed to but this wasn’t everyday. I only walked to work for like a month in a half but before I got my last job there, I had to walk back and forth to the bus stops. I could catch the one that was in my apartment complex but after a certain time I had to catch another bus and then walk back to my apartment complex and to my home. Hmm, but I loved it. I loved being out on my own even though it wasn’t so smart to leave home with no car and stable job. Yes I know this and learned this lesson in the realest way ever, by living it not only first hand but second hand as well. I knew better but when I left Louisiana, I left angry and determined to be better and to do better.
Anyway, beyond the weight loss from the walking that I did it was the only reason that I was keeping an okay size really. Now, I have gained back what I lost (terribly) and ballooned even more and I am pretty embarrassed about it too. And guess what? It’s like everyone has been letting know that I have gained weight and it’s like, “seriously?” but I don’t get angry or curse because it is what it is. I feel like my weight is always on my mind and I am never comfortable about it. If I could complain about my situation even then after my rant I would still have no excuse to being overweight. Ugh. I do my best not to think about it but after a while, the fast food starts losing its taste and the Dr. Pepper keeps running flatter and flatter but I keep eating it. I believe I have officially reached my stopping point.
With all the reminders that I am fat I am doing my best to ignore the comments and to just go along with it. People don’t consider themselves as being rude but more as being right and having the right to say things to me that are pretty hurtful. I keep going and I am doing the best with what I have so I just ask that people think before the speak but that will never happen. It’s okay though, I know what I have to do in order to feel better and it will be done on MY TIME and not when people feel the need to keep nagging me about it. I know what I gotta do, stay in your lane because I got this. Thank you.
I mean it. I am serious about losing weight this time. I feel like since I don’t have any distractions like work or school, then I am going to be able to focus more on losing weight. I hope that once I get it started that as soon as school starts up, then I will be able to keep it going. I would like to come up with a 4 month or 5 month plan to help me with losing weight. Part of me wishes that this could be done over night, since I sometimes feel like I gained weight over night. But then the more logically part of me knows that this is something that really takes times to do. It’s something that you work at and once accomplished you will feel so great about it. On Pintrest there are many photos of girls before and after photos that are really inspirational but the only thing is this. It’s one thing to post photos on a board. It’s another thing to actually get up and do it. I see a lot of girls who post photos like the squat challenge and other things but I am pretty sure they aren’t doing it. I am not trying to bash anyone either but I don’t want to be that person. I want to actually do it this time. The only thing different from me now is that I want this so badly, for myself.
I know that may sound SUPER WEIRD but I am have been wondering that for the longest. I have been dealing with bad headaches since I was a child. I have never been tested up there for any other illness than headaches but I just had to take stronger medicine. Sometimes Excedrin would work for me but then I guess you grow out of things. Wait no, I don’t think my mother wanted to pay that expensive price for the medicine and I would always have to take the Wal-mart brand medicine. That and I had to take more of the Wal-mart brand to get rid of the pain than I would with a stronger medicine. Soon my mother sent me to the doctor and I would get prescribed medicines for my headaches and it would work but I would often feel so weary after a headache. I feel like having bad headaches would wear my out and they do. Anyway they are starting to come back as bad as they were when I was a child. Yikes. I hate having bad headaches and I don’t like being down. I don’t get sick often and so whenever I do, I am still moving trying to fight my colds.
Well there have been many times in the past where I have over come a headache and I would have a strange pimple on my forehead. I would touch it and it would send a surge through my head, kind of like it was the reason that I had the headache in the first place. Well recently the same thing happened. Last week I had been having this headache for a few days and after I kind of came out of it, I had a pimple on my forehead. Whenever I touched it, it kind of gave me some pain in my head again. I tried to looked it up and found some answers but there isn’t anything on the internet. I guess it may just be conscience that the pimples appeared after my headaches but like I said they are there and they hurt! I am going to be looking into more and I am going to see if I can get some better guidance from my doctor. These headaches are really the only thing that can stop me from doing much of everything, cause I don’t like to stop for anything. =(