30 day writing challenge: Day 30

Day 30: Daily Routine

Yikes, as of now I don’t have a daily routine so sorry folks. I get up whenever woken by God because I don’t have an alarm on my phone or a clock. I clean myself up and then get on the laptop so yeah. I am still waiting to hear back from a job that I applied for earlier this month and the waiting it really getting to me. I am doing my best to make sure that I don’t stress too much or over think things but at times even the strong seem to wonder off path. Hmm. I know that if I want this, then I am going to have to act like it is already mine and start speaking it into my existence because that’s how bad I really want this. I don’t have much to say for today, sorry. It was a beautiful day outside though <3

30 day writing challenge: Day 28

Day 28: What do you want?

giphy (1)What do I want? Yikes! There is a bunch of things that I want but I don’t know how to go about them without sounding ungrateful or spoiled…oh well let me start the list. Well for starters, I definitely want to work towards completing the list on this journal post, 30 day writing challenge: Day 4 for my own good you know. I feel like this blog challenge was all about what I am hoping to complete and goals of such. I didn’t think that I was going to like this challenge that much but this one was pretty good. I know that I usually don’t read through challenges but this one ended up turning out okay. I am going to be working on another blog challenge that I hope to find for the next month after (meaning June, sorry for the strange wording). Umm, is there anything that I really want though? Even with the need for things I just can’t find anything that I selfishly want right now. Maybe if I think about it harder I could but as of now I can’t come up with anything. I do feel for those who are in a serious need and cannot even think about selfish wants right now. I may not be where I want to be in life but I am still blessed to have many things. Many people don’t know how they are ever going to get out of their situations right now because they keep getting worse. Things are too cluttered for them to even stop and pray because they are so nervous and living on sensitive emotions. I have been there and I understand how a situation like that can feel. It hurts.

It hurts and not having someone who can relate or even someone to talk to can make the situation feel like its endless. But it is NOT ENDLESS and there are ways to get out of the storm that you are in. I know people look at you like you are crazy when you start talking about Jesus and they are going through what seems to be like the worst of the worst but that is how I am making it. I know I shift from side to side with this but I am working on being a stable, 100% all the time Christian for my own good. I know that my situation isn’t some spectacular LifeTime story that needs to be retold and shared but I still want to help and encourage others who are going through things like I am. I mentioned once before that having money issues can drive you crazy if you let it. When you’re in a pinch, it can feel like you owe everybody money and no one is willing to help you so you start getting even angrier with God. If anything, I want to start writing more and I have plans for something but I am going to share if whenever the time gets close to me releasing it! I want to be able to stick to my goals and see them all the way through and not quit in the middle like I am used to. I want to start designing more, moving into the next idea that I had, haa! Umm, I want to finally STOP WANTING you know? I know there are always going to be things that are cool that I am interested in getting but I have the tendency to place them before my needs, if you know what I mean. I could just cry about how fast money dissipates with me, it’s crazy. Anyway, that was a good little post on wants vs. needs but I hope that you got the picture. See you soon.

30 day writing challenge: Day 27

Day 27: How you envision your life to be

Like oh my gosh I totally imagine myself being famous, having a great body, sexy husband, amazing children and just basking in the glory of all of my luxury and positive things…yeah so NOT me. I remember when I was younger, I used to think about being famous and growing up to be this amazing actress. Only thing was I was still super quiet so I never quite figured out how I was going to achieve this. As time when on, the wanting of being famous and being recognized by everyone in the world grew out of me and I started placing my mind on realistic goals. I thought about how I wanted to finish college, obtaining my Biology degree and then from there go to medical school to become an eye doctor. I planned on falling in love somewhere in between there, getting married and having children. With this I would be working in my career and I would be working on building my own home. Well things didn’t play out so well for me like this and so I had to go back to the drawing board.

With this plan that I sought after to complete step by step, I realized one thing with it and that was that plans change. Things happen in your life that you can and cannot control and that causes for plans to change. I then told myself to stop forcing the future into existence and to start living everyday like it was really my last. Though I have slacked off with that (living each day to the fullest) I still kept holding on to not idea of not forcing things into stone. It is not that I have little faith and I do believe that everyone should have a plan so I am not knocking that. I just don’t like following lists too much and I often do things out of order anyway. But like I also mentioned above, I have made some mistakes. I have made choices thinking that they were the best for me and I acted on feelings and not on facts and ended up in some situations. I am taking this time to learn from my mistakes and to make sure that I am dealing with the situations and taking control over them. Being in financial struggles can drive you crazy and make you very depressed. I am doing my best not to keep blaming myself for what already is done but to make sure that I use this time to go about fixing things. So as for how I envision my life to be, I have no set in stone plan for that anymore. My main goal is to make sure that I address the issues now so that they don’t grow into bigger hindrances later on.

30 day writing challenge: Day 26

Day 26: Something you could never get tired of doing

Well today was church day and it is always a blessing to be able to make it to church safely so with that said, what could I never get tired of doing? Hmm I had something else to say here but I don’t feel like the timing is right. I have a lot of things that I am dealing with but with everything I am making sure to keep a smile on my face and faith in my heart. I would say that I never get tired of going to church but I need to work on praying a lot more. I get busy just like everyone else but then again I find time to fit in other things from my “want” list before putting prayer first, oops. We have all done it though but I know that if I am seriously about moving towards God and what He has for me that I need to be able to talk to Him with more confidence. I guess that is why I shy away from praying too, because I am often unsure what to say! I see prayer can become something so scripted when it should be something more towards a true conversation with God. I guess I have been spending time trying to figure out how to prefect my prayer when I really needed to be just going along with it unscripted. Hmm. I am working on that and I am not perfect but I will get it down pat soon! Trust! Oh and one more thing that I don’t think I could get tired of doing would be making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I think I could honestly live off of them, yumm! Alright, peace!