My College Daze: No college degree and no money!

No college degree and no money!? Now what? Okay so like I am in a period of another self reflection trying to figure out if going back to school to finish my degree is worth it. Along with that, I am trying to figure out if I need to change my major again to something that is easier. I have been using my down time to think about how I can make college work for me. Nothing but nothing is coming to my mind. If I change my major, I am going to have to really focus hard on another major and all my credits will be lost. If I don’t change my major, I don’t think I will be able to face anymore classes within my major with much confidence. I did come up with something but I wasn’t sure if it was worth doing but the more it comes to my mind it makes sense to me. I just wish that I wouldn’t have taken so much time to figure things out for me in school because that was money wasted. But I don’t want to keep being so hard on myself about money wasted and what not, I just want to finish college with a degree of my choice. Hmm…that reminds me of something.

I there was a point where I felt like college was useless and getting a degree wasn’t in my near future because I could live without one. During my time alone in Alabama I soon discovered how hard it was just to get a job that paid well and that offered good benefits. All I had on my mind was being able to get a good full time job and saving up money for a car. If things worked out for me like this, then I wouldn’t need to go back to college to get a degree. I would be working, making good money, have a car and soon be able to make a move towards a house. Reality hit me so hard in the face when I kept getting all those rejection letters for jobs that I applied for that I think I went into a small depression. It was so unreal because the jobs that I was going for seemed like entry level jobs and were for full time but I just never met the requirements. Getting a full time job was harder than I had imagined and I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong. I started doubting me and my ability to do anything at times because I felt like finding a job shouldn’t have been that hard. Places were saying that they were hiring but kept rejecting my applications. Why was that?

Once I gave up on looking for full time jobs, I started going back to looking for part time jobs and the fact that I wanted to have two part time jobs. But sadly they too rejected my applications and I could never understand why. I kept trying at the same businesses until it was time for me to finally leave Alabama. Very distraught about the rejection letters, my mind kept venturing back to the fact that “hey maybe you should try to finish school…“. And I was like, “NO! NO! TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY! I’LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!! TAKE IT AWAY!!!” (in reference to the episode with Felix the Cat in Bold King Cole in the video at the 5:00 mark LOL) because I just felt like I could seriously live off of just working a full time job or two part time jobs and take care of myself…but I was wrong. How so? There are many people who don’t have college degrees and are in very well paying careers…that’s just it. They are in CAREERS and I am in JOBS. Jobs, unfortunately do not last always or as long as you will need them to. In a job if you are not someone who is full time or calling the shots, hours get cut. If you are an hourly employee, then if time gets cut that means less money for you. I was so hurt by the truth but I kind of already knew it but I just wanted to give my wishful thinking a chance. Okay, but still now what?

Andrae Crouch The Promise (Marvin’s Testimony)

I’ll never leave you, never forsake you
No matter what you’re going through
I’ve got good news for you
I’ll be with you, always

I’ll never leave you, never forsake you
No matter what you’re going through
I have good news for you
I’ll be with you, always

And when sorrow comes
And there’s no other place to run
Just look to me and I’ll be there
Just a whisper of a prayer
I’ll be with you always

I’ll never leave you, never forsake you
No matter what you’re going through
I have good news for you
I’ll be with you, always
In stormy weather, it is my pleasure
I want to take care of all your needs
Trust me and you’ll see
I’ll be with you, always

And when trouble comes
And there’s no other place to run
Just look to me and I’ll be there
Just a whisper of a prayer
I’ll be with you, always

I’ll never leave you
I won’t forsake you
I won’t let you down
I’ll be with you, always

Never, I won’t run away
I’ll be right here
And heal you when you’re in pain
I’ll be with you, always

(no matter who you are)
And never walk away from Him
(no matter what you need)
No matter what you do, I don’t care what you’ve done

God will always be there
No matter what you’re going through
I have good news for you
I’ll be with you, always

Whoever you are
You might be driving in your car or at home
But God made us a promise
There will be times in our lives when things will happen

But guess what? God will always be right there
I know He’s been with me, be with you
Always
Forever, forever, always

Song: The Promise (Marvin’s Testimony) by Andrae Crouch sang by Marvin Winans
Lyric credit: MetroLyrics

Holding On by J. Moss

“Holding On”

[VERSE 1:]
Sometimes it makes you wanna cry aloud
Sometimes it makes you wanna scream and shout
Sometimes you feel like it’s unbearable
Sometimes the pain is so incredible (Why)
Do I feel the way I feel being a Christian and all (it’s not suppose to be this way)
But who said that it was gonna be easy (nobody)
Do I have enough in me

[CHORUS:]
How do I feel like holding on
How do I feel
How do I feel like being strong
How do I feel
How do I feel like praying on
How do I feel
How do I feel like pressing on
And the answer is JESUS
My potion JESUS
My covering JESUS
My maker JESUS
Check it out

[VERSE 2:]
Sometimes it’s someone that you really love
Sometimes they don’t know that they’ve lost your trust
Sometimes your heart will last, can’t stop beating (thump thump.thump)
Anybody ever felt like that (Why)
Do I feel the way I do being a Christian and all (it’s not suppose to be this way)
But who said that the walk would be easy (nobody)
Do I have enough in me

[CHORUS:]
How do I feel like holding on
How do I feel
How do I feel like being strong
How do I feel
How do I feel like praying on
How do I feel
How do I feel like pressing on
How do I feel

[CHORUS:]
How do I feel like holding on
How do I feel
How do I feel like being strong
How do I feel
How do I feel like praying on
How do I feel
How do I feel like pressing on

And the answer is (JESUS)
My Savior (JESUS)
The calm in the midst of the storm (JESUS)
My Strength and my recourse (JESUS)
Everything I need, everything I am (JESUS)
The way, the truth and the light (JESUS)
Healed by his stripes (JESUS)
Deliverer to abundant life (JESUS)
You ought to call him for yourself (JESUS)
He’s a way out of no way (JESUS)
When nothing else could help it’s (JESUS)
When there’s no one to talk to (JESUS)
You can call…(JESUS) [ADDED by me]

Song: Holding On by J. Moss
Lyric credit: Holding On lyrics by AZ Lyrics

Human Family by Maya Angelou

Human Family
I note the obvious differences
in the human family.
Some of us are serious,
some thrive on comedy.

Some declare their lives are lived
as true profundity,
and others claim they really live
the real reality.

The variety of our skin tones
can confuse, bemuse, delight,
brown and pink and beige and purple,
tan and blue and white.

I’ve sailed upon the seven seas
and stopped in every land,
I’ve seen the wonders of the world
not yet one common man.

I know ten thousand women
called Jane and Mary Jane,
but I’ve not seen any two
who really were the same.

Mirror twins are different
although their features jibe,
and lovers think quite different thoughts
while lying side by side.

We love and lose in China,
we weep on England’s moors,
and laugh and moan in Guinea,
and thrive on Spanish shores.

We seek success in Finland,
are born and die in Maine.
In minor ways we differ,
in major we’re the same.

I note the obvious differences
between each sort and type,
but we are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.

We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.

We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.

Poem: Human Family by Maya Angelou
Poem credit: All Poetry

Everything is Everything by Lauryn Hill

“Everything Is Everything”

Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually
[2x]

I wrote these words for everyone
Who struggles in their youth
Who won’t accept deception
Instead of what is truth
It seems we lose the game,
Before we even start to play
Who made these rules? We’re so confused
Easily led astray
Let me tell ya that
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
After winter, must come spring
Everything is everything

I philosophy
Possibly speak tongues
Beat drum, Abyssinian, street Baptist
Rap this in fine linen
From the beginning
My practice extending across the atlas
I begat this
Flippin’ in the ghetto on a dirty mattress
You can’t match this rapper / actress
More powerful than two Cleopatras
Bomb graffiti on the tomb of Nefertiti
MCs ain’t ready to take it to the Serengeti
My rhymes is heavy like the mind of Sister Betty
L. Boogie spars with stars and constellations
Then came down for a little conversation
Adjacent to the king, fear no human being
Roll with cherubims to Nassau Coliseum
Now hear this mixture
Where hip hop meets scripture
Develop a negative into a positive picture

Now, everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

Sometimes it seems
We’ll touch that dream
But things come slow or not at all
And the ones on top, won’t make it stop
So convinced that they might fall
Let’s love ourselves then we can’t fail
To make a better situation
Tomorrow, our seeds will grow
All we need is dedication

Let me tell ya that,
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
After winter, must come spring
Everything is everything

Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

Song lyrics: Everything is Everything by Lauryn Hill
Lyric credit: Everything is Everything lyrics by AZ Lyrics