My College Daze: Time to reflect…

Now that I am in a period where I can really look back and the things that happened with me in college and what went wrong, I have noticed and observed a lot about myself. The biggest mistake that I made was putting others way before myself. Though my intentions were good, I got carried away with trying to make things better for my family instead of focusing on school and homework. Ever since I was younger, I always thought about ways I could make life easier for my family and me. With doing so, I started stressing and worrying about things that a 19 year old shouldn’t. I never should have made everyone else’ financial issues my main prerogative but since it felt like no one else was doing anything then I decided to take on the challenge. I was never able to separate school and my home life and it became impossible for me to concentrate on school…so I didn’t.

Whenever I would mess up in school, I would stress. Whenever I would hear about the financial problems at home, I would stress. Whenever I thought about making a career for myself and how I could help everyone else, I would stress. Looking back, I wish I would been able to see that stressing over my situations wasn’t going to solve anything for me. To be honest if I could go back, I would have NEVER STARTED college back in 2009. Why? The reason I feel like I shouldn’t have started college then was because I had too much set on my mind to try to accomplish. I wasn’t ready to start school when I did but because of pressure about it, I figured that I should at least start now and then maybe I will eventually like it and become confident in the major I am pursuing…and this was wrong. If I had my way, I would’ve worked a few more years until I really figured out what I was interesting in doing in college. I felt like I also got carried away with keeping up with those who I graduated with. My mom told me that everyone has their own pace and that college wasn’t a race but it never helped me with feeling like I was taking too long to finish. I kept rushing it and rushing it and it ended up costing me so much, GPA wise and financially.

While in one major, I was always thinking about another major and this hurt me too. My double major was in something that was completely different from the other and it was hard to keep up with both. I realize that many students deal with the fact of not knowing what they are truly going to college for and that is COMPLETELY NORMAL. I know that people say that college is a learning experience and everyone’s experience isn’t going to be perfect. For some people, it just takes a while to get adjusted to certain places and situations. If anything, it just would have been nice to have had better confidence in a major that I was going for. This, and it would have made a difference if I really put a lot more effort than I was. With the Biology major, I learned that it takes time and sacrificing the things you want to do in order to get to where you are going especially if you are calling yourself a “medical major“. Now that I am out of school, I see it’s hard to get a full time job that pays very well unless you have that college degree…the one thing that is holding me back.

I have been thinking about my talents and hobbies trying to see if there is anything that interests me enough to major into it. I have taken so many career placement tests and they repeatedly tell me the same thing. I guess I am just being stubborn because nothing on the list is getting my attention. I could force myself to like Psychology again but it is truly heartbreaking to have to let one dream go because it just wasn’t working out to pick up another one. I guess that is life though because not everyone makes it and you just have to keep a kicking. I have been doing some research on what I could do with a Psychology degree for myself and how I could try to like it for college sake. When I think of having to like something that wasn’t intended for me, it makes me think about if finishing would be worth it since I can’t get what I want out of college. I have been dealing with these feelings a lot lately and before I make another move on school, I just want to know that it is the best option for me. College has indeed matured me a lot and I learned that I needed to put myself first before worrying about the things that I couldn’t control.

Your Work by J. Moss

Boss…

Let me be your canvas
Let me be your vision
Let me be your brush, that you use to express yourself
Use my life as a backdrop yeah
Use my heart as the light

Now breathe on me what you like and make it come to life
So what I want you to do is just

[CHORUS]
Write on me (and)
Work with me (display)
Display through me (your work)
Your almighty WORK

Write on me (work)
Work with me (display)
Display through me (your)
Your almighty WORK

Boss…

Let me be your color that you use to accentuate
Let me your texture to give a unique taste
Use my soul as the showcase for every masterpiece

Now breath on me what you like and let us see it come to life
What I want you to do is just

[CHORUS]
Write on me (yeah yeah)
Work with me (display)
Display through me (your all)
Your almighty WORK (ooh)

Write on me
Work with me
Display through me
Your almighty WORK

Use me, use me
Choose me, choose me
Lead me lead me
Tell me what you need from me, what you need from me
Mold me yeah, mold me yeah
Show me, show me
Ooh create in me, create in me
A masterpiece, a masterpiece

[CHORUS]
Write on me (write on me, write on me, write on me)
Work with me (work with me all you want God)
Display through me (display on me, display)
Your almighty WORK (use me Lord)

Write on me (work with me)
Work with me (oh display on me oh your mighty work yeah)
Display through me
Your almighty WORK

Write on me (use me as your servant)
Work with me (work with me as you please)
Display through me (let your light shine through me)
Your almighty WORK

Write on me (anything you want God)
Work with me (work with me God)
Display through me (display Lord through me)
Your almighty WORK (yeah)

Boss.

Song: Your Work by J. Moss
Lyric credit: Myself because they aren’t anywhere on the Internet yet and my mom because she bought the song.