Today would have made one year for me…not that counting time would make the situation any better. Only me and the good Lord know what I am talking about though. I just wish that things would have been different but I keep asking myself why I keep holding on to it. Let it go, but I just am baffled by what all happened for me. Every time I think about it I am reminded of how I was the one that messed up things but yet I keep searching for other things to be the blame. Part of the problem I could place on someone else but what good would that do? I feel like I have made so many mistakes with this and that there isn’t anything that I could do to possibly fix it. I don’t see any way out of it so I am having to face it and by myself. I feel so trapped and let down and to have it playing back in my mind is even worse. With angry feelings I am making choices right now and none that I feel like are the ones that I want but more so what everyone else wants and the though of that is draining me. Doing my best to just let it go but these angry feelings just won’t subside…what can one do?
“At Your Best”
Let me know, let me know
Ah – ha, let me know, let me know
Let me know
When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it’s hard to tell you so
You may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know
There are times when I find
You want to keep yourself from me
When I don’t have the strength; I’m just a mirror of what I see
But at your best you are love
You’re a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .
When you feel what you feel
Oh, how hard for me to understand
So many things have taken place before this love affair began
But if you feel, oh, like I feel
Confusion can give way to doubt
For there are times when I fall short of what I say,
what I say I’m all about, all about
Tell me what it is (Tell me what it is)
There’s no need to make believe
Look beyond your own (Look beyond your own)
Try and find another place for me
Cause. . .
Ah, ah, ah – ha
See stay at your best baby
Song: At Your Best by Aaliyah
Lyric credit: At Your Best lyrics by AZ Lyrics
“Back And Forth”
Let me see you go back
Let me see you go forth
and I’m ready to sing pick up my girls
And hit the party scene
Tonight oh oh it’s alright umm
So get up and let this funky mellow grove get
You in the mood cause you
Know it’s alright
(back round – so Mr. DJ keep the music grooving)
Don’t stop moving
Let me see you, let me see you go
Back, back forth and forth [x4]
(see you go back and forth)
Now it’s time for you
To make your move to the dance floor
So throw your hands in the air
And wave them around like you just don’t care
Ya oh it’s the liyah
Living up to the stage I got jazz personality,
G mentality peace to soul train
So if the DJ keep on moving
Don’t stop moving know let me hear you go
Back and forth
Come on and let me hear you go
Hey here’s the forth mellowed get upon the floor you see show your
Personality be who you wanna be now tell me
See can you feel the groove hey I want to get this party going all night
(So mr. DJ keep the music grooving don’t stop moving)
Now let me hear you go
[Chorus till fade]
Song lyrics: Back and forth by Aaliyah
Lyric credit: Back and forth lyrics AZ Lyrics
I’m trying to find something to base my life upon,
Something in this strange world that goes on and on.
As the years go by and time fades away,
What used to be “good days” are now filled with dismay.
Tomorrow comes, and then again, it goes,
And my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
The life I want now, gets closer each day.
All I’ve ever wanted was something to live for,
I don’t want to be this little person anymore.
I’ve been basing my life upon what others think,
I wish I could go back and redo everything, every time an eye would blink.
I’ve fought to become who I am and what I want to be,
I have to remind myself that one day, I will be free.
Free from the rules I followed as a child,
When everything was a game and life was so mild.
Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair,
And sometimes it seems like nobody even cares.
It’s like no one pays attention to what I feel is best for me,
And what I think about the way some things should be.
I understand now, that I’m pretty much on my own,
And I know a lot of what I can do will never be known.
All the time, I think about everything I can’t say, what I have to keep in,
And by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen.
Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become,
I want to know where I’m going, I don’t need to be reminded of where I came from.
Poem: Starting Over by Tatum
Poem credit: Family Friend Poems
So now what? I have posted my college experience up to the point of the last time where I was in school. I haven’t got much more to say about college. Why is that? One because I am not finished with college so my story pretty much ended. Bummer. I am doing my best to try to find another job that I can make some extra cash to pay off some of my petty bills right now and I have been working on my site a lot more but that still doesn’t say what’s going to be happening with my “My College Daze” posts. I am not going to stop them into I finish, if I finish, college but for now, I am going to be writing under the category still. From now until I go back, I am going to be making posts about what I could have done or what I would have LIKED to have done and hopefully sharing some of my resources and advice through my posts. I know they are pretty naked right now and need some pictures, yes yes I think about that all the time. I am trying get my Flickr account up and going again then I should be able to do some small editing on my computer so that I can make some blog photos for you. Oh that reminds me! Speaking of photos and photography…well I will let that interest fact be known later down the road :) See you soon!