I ended my spring semester alright but not how I would have liked to. It was done and I was ready to move on and by move I meant to Auburn. Through keeping in contact, I had gotten a response back from Admissions telling me that I needed to complete a History course before I could transfer. Along with a web design construction class, I signed up for History 101 and History 102. I really enjoyed the History courses because I like learning about all that stuff. My favorite class was the Website design and construction which I aced! I really loved that class and making good grades made me feel smart again; I felt like college was doable just by making better grades. I am hard on myself but I must admit, I just didn’t feel like pushing myself at times through college. Anyway while in summer school, something else was happening too. That entire summer my Grandfather was sick and my mom spent some days and nights over there with him. It did upset it made me that my mom was giving him more attention than me, especially since it didn’t seem like she was interested in me moving for school.
I feel like she knew that moving was very important to me, because I wouldn’t have been bugging or stressing the importance of doing so in the first place. I kind of felt like she ignored me many times and that it wasn’t fair that she could be so much more attentive to someone else than me. I needed her help. I was hurt. I was still hurting from that spring semester and to have to do everything by myself and then when I would go to her with my problems and it was like she didn’t care. I didn’t know what to do at that point because I was just fed up. I experienced some very dark lows as well as the sense that I should take my own life. Though I had many thoughts of doing so I just never carried out any actions and I just went back to what seemed like an “okay” state. I was secretly spiraling and no one knew it or could tell because everything was internal. I needed to hurry up and get away.
I finished summer school and was eager to make it into Auburn but I had one more mishap occur. I was trying to send off my application fee and it was delivered to them but for some reason I couldn’t make it pass the second part of the registration because a hold was on my account. After a phone conversation with the university, it turned out to be that my GPA wasn’t good enough to transfer there. I was blank; I felt so powerless but what could I do? I made it clear that I wasn’t going back to my old campus and I meant that. I felt like it wasn’t fair that I couldn’t go where I wanted to but really, it wasn’t fair that I couldn’t runaway like I wanted to. I didn’t give up in trying to move to Alabama. After I let my anger clear though I started thinking somewhat clear again. I started looking for other options in Alabama. Not really knowing what I was searching for, but just searching in general I came across the University of Alabama.
This was my very first time hearing about a, “Roll Tide” or a “Bama” but whatever it was, I liked it. Just like with Auburn, I started getting into touch with the admissions at the UA for information and things worked out better for me at the UA. I applied for the University of Alabama and was accepted, just like that but then I had one small problem…how was I going to get there in this small amount of time? I didn’t have the money to move straight out there nor did I have a car but that didn’t stop me. I decided to take some online classes just to pass the time with things. I always wondered in the back of my mind if choosing the University of Alabama was the smartest thing for me then. After all I was still hurting and I made a very quick move…that worked……but was it worth it?