Oh my gosh I thought I’d never see the end! Not in a bad way but like always, I procrastinated and I ended up having to do a ton of mass posts just to complete this challenge. I just got so caught up with school and it became harder for me to keep up with my blog and this challenge but I really wanted to do it. It means a lot to me and I don’t really care what other people might say or think and so it’s here. It took longer than expected but I am really proud of myself for having the guts to go ahead with this challenge. So, I am now to the end of the challenge and I want to say WHY I started something like this.
I started this challenge for myself back in 2011 and I kept it to myself. I don’t know why I did it but something or someone rather gave me the bright idea to do it. I was finally to the point where I just couldn’t take feeling lower than the lowest and at the point, I had had time to reflect, be alone and think about me. I wasn’t going to school and I was away from the campus but I was working to make money to save up to move. My plans failed though and I was back to square one. I kept my head up and didn’t let my failure get the best of me and that right there is something I always do. Yes I complain about my problems just like any other person and sometimes I complain (well always) to the WRONG person but I always keep going. Even with everything that I have been through, I have never stopped doing what I was doing. Many times I felt pressured from life to quit college and even take my own life but I didn’t and I am proud of me for doing so too.
I would like to post something from the last time that did this challenge in 2011 that I wrote. It’s funny how in that challenge, I procrastinated with writing those journals too! Man! I don’t know what I am going to have to do to help me with stoping to procrastinate! I kind of feel like when I have too much on my plate it’s like ARGH! to me but when I don’t have enough I get comfortable and lazy and I start to procrastinate on things. With school though, school is my main focus but I find myself behind the computer browsing up things that I shouldn’t be because they can wait. I have got to work on more will power for staying away from social networks and off my cellphone. Anyway here it is,
But before I go, I do want to mention my purpose for starting “31 days of Confidence”. Before I started, I just realized how I would spend hours on journals, just highlighting what I thought was the “WORSE IN ME” and by October, I had had enough. I just felt that there was more to me that just me journal-ing about how I wasn’t pretty or how I was too dark or how I was very fat…and I just couldn’t take it anymore. Whatever heard my cry, encouraged me to start this challenge. In the challenge I would tweet something about myself that I liked, loved, or whatever made me feel great about myself. Then I would come on LiveJournal and write about that topic in detail. Me doing this has really shown me some great things about myself and I have learned that just because I am feeling down, I don’t have to go in on attacking myself on my looks, talents, or skills. I am a very beautiful, talented, and skilled young woman with the personality to match and there isn’t any reason why I have to keep dissing myself, regardless of the past. I can’t go back and change how things played out for me but I can change how my future will play out for me. Me dissing myself got old after a while and I just wanted something new and different for myself. I wanted better for myself and I knew that I could do it.
It takes a lot of faith to stand on your two feet and do something like this especially since I had the fear of being laughed at. Everyone gets laughed at from time to time but when you are used to being laughed at in a hurtful way, you sometimes shy away from doing things because you don’t want to get made fun of. Growing up, really the only thing that was instilled in me as a child were Christian values and not confidence. I had to learn being confident on my own.
And like I said before, completing this challenge has definitely helped me see my weaknesses and also my strengths and I am happy about that. I am glad that I am learning how to stand on my own but I still feel like my work is not done. This is only the beginning and I want to keep going with this too. Though I don’t think that I will do “30 Days of Confidence” again because I just feel like I am ready to leave it in the state that it’s in, I do feel I can do other things from this. I would like to grow other positive challenges for myself to do so we will see. Thanks for letting me share this challenge with you though.