Enough is ENOUGH!

Ugh I have had it with some people and their harshness towards me! When is it going to end? Maybe as soon as I learn to keep my mouth shut then things will start working to my favor…right? I mean that is what I hope for well “am hoping” for. Let me start by explaining what has been going on lately in my life. School is going so so just really ready for things to start picking up for me. I think I is mainly me who has been putting things off until school really got started which I really shouldn’t have been doing but yeah. Anyway back to the rest of the reason behind this angry rant. To make a long story short, I am going to save myself the trouble with describing the two issues in detail but I am going to write about the main point of them.

Have you ever felt like, when you go to some people for advice or something and they are so quick to tell you that you are not “dedicated” enough to sticking to what you are planning out? Well lately and it seems like all the time this has been happening to me. I don’t mind people being honest with me and true I do have to tendency to flea some situations when nervous or I don’t feel like they are working in my good but does that mean that I am not dedicated to sticking to them? Was it my fault for complaining to others about these situations? I guess so because these same ones that I try to talk about my issues with have the tendency to throw my past into my face and it hurts. I am a real nice person and I try to be kind hearted to other people because I feel like it is the right thing to do. I don’t critize people for their past and whenever I do make a small comment about something, I get thrown under the bus. But it seems like it is ALWAYS okay for others to remind me of my past and to let me know how I was I guess you can say, “not dedicated” to sticking to things and it hurts, you know. Especially when the people telling me that I am not dedicated are the ones who constantly complain about their situations (but I listen and don’t judge) and always seem to tell a story of how they themselves GAVE UP and it makes me angry cause I feel like I should remind them of their past but I just don’t have that bone in my body. Also whenever people do that to me, it makes me feel like the things that I have accomplished and set out for weren’t good enough to be recognized or noticed by them.

Well like my title post indicated enough is ENOUGH and I have had it with others trying to bring me down about things. I don’t have a best friend but I do have many friends that I hang with so whenever something is wrong, I spill the beans to those who aren’t really close to me and I end up getting burned. But back to what I am stating, I am going to not attempt but actually DO and COMPLETE my weight loss goal. I don’t mind blogging about it and maybe this will help me from speaking about it too much but yes this is my ultimate goal. I have some smaller goals under it and to help me keep track of things I thing it would be cool to incorporate my weight loss into my blog. So I have an idea of when and how I would like to start but as of now I am moving alone and I like it better that way. I am going to use this blog to help me accomplish some other goals that I have in mind too but for now I think it is going to be better if I just express myself in a “written” form than anything else. Until next time, oh yeah I will be on here again with an official start to my diet and exercise process with pictures and everything.

Very Superstitious.

When you believe in things that you don’t understand then you suffer SUPERSTITION ain’t the way…

Okay then I am sure you are wondering what in the world am I talking about right? The song “Superstition” from Stevie Wonder or something more? Well this post is not so much on the song but on myself and how I have been looking at things in life. You see, I have a superstition that I really believe is really upsetting my balance and that is the superstition that I have with my hand itching and receiving money.

Whenever I was younger and I would always let my mother know whenever my hand itched and depending on which hand it was, she would jokingly tell me that it meant that I was going to get some money. Now I am guessing this little superstition was carrying on from her Grandmother telling her this whenever her hand itched, I don’t know. I just know that if your right hand itches then it means that you are going to get some money but if your left hand itches, well then you are not getting any money. But why am I bringing this to attention to my blog? Because I really think that I have let this paranoia of the itching hand get in between my peace and what I mean by that is living on the fate of an itching hand it starting to get to me, literally.

There are times when my left hand will itch so bad that it just makes me so upset. I don’t know why but the thought of not getting any money or having to spend money just worries me even more. But I really don’t know whether or not to stop believing in this little superstition because whenever it’s pay week or the day before I get paid, then my right hand will start to itch. See how silly this is starting to sound? I really wish I wouldn’t have picked up this superstition with the itching hand and money. I am telling you it is something that drives me nuts because it usually is right and I don’t know why.

Anyway I wonder if I am the only one who suffers with silly superstitions like this and then again is this issue a superstition or something else? I have been trying to look at the more logically part of this but nothing is working! Ugh I really hope to drop this act real soon though.

But how OPEN can I be?

Welp, I spent the last few days finishing up this project (my site layout) and I have to say…I think that I don’t like it. I did like it at first but once I realized that my “idea” went somewhere’s else, I changed my mind. I really still love that pattern though and I really gotta say that ColourLOVERS has REALLY stepped up their game. I remember whenever I first got on there. It was just a few basic patterns that you could manipulate with colors. Now you can make your own seamless pattern and there are like a TON on there! I have been trying and trying to get a hit with a color scheme but nothing has been coming out too right! I am going to keep trying though. Anyway back to the matter at hand…what to blog about?

To blog or not to blog…personally? Since 2009 I have always wondered that you know, as to how open I could be on my blog. I realized while going back on some old content of mine from 2009 up until now that I only spoke about web and graphic designing and not much on the things that were going on with me. I did once but I felt that those posts weren’t received as well as I would have liked them to be so I stopped doing it. And I really never knew who all, that I knew of face to face, was really reading my blogs. I don’t mind the company but it has always been a weird thing for me to hear people say, “oh I saw that on your site…” but that has only happened once. Others haven’t mentioned my sites so I figured they didn’t know that I’ve been doing this. Like I said before I don’t really fear attention but I have noticed that I am JUST AS quiet on my blogs as I am in person. I guess I was and have been expecting for myself to be the opposite, virtually. I always used to see myself as being the famous person online but not so much in person. But in reality I am neither loud in person or online…hmm so much for that stereotype. BUT! I have been making some improvements…? I remember this Summer when my mother, sister and I went on vacation with my mother’s best friend. Her dad told me he remembered when I was younger how I was so shy that I didn’t even want to speak. And my mother’s best friend also told me how I have come along way *speaking wise* because she remembered when I wouldn’t say anything. I guess I have huh. I guess I just got used to speaking a lot more that whenever people remind me of how I used to be quiet it just takes me by surprised. Now whenever I tell people that I am *shy* they are quick to say, “no you’re not!“.

All in all I am going to *try* keyword try to start blogging more on the things going on with me in my personal life. Who knows I may find someone else who is or has gone through something similar who can really help me. Be on here later but as for now I am going to be spending my night *well morning* uploading photos onto my Flickr account. Oh yeah! Before I go, I always could have been scammed but things didn’t work that way. Lately I have been searching, searching and SEARCHING for a cheaper version of Photoshop. I know *now* that there is NO such thing. After going to Google and searching it, I found a site called, “Soft Buy” and they had the whole Photoshop Creative Suite for $149.95, I was TOO happy! I was like, “yeah finally!”. I did read up on their terms and everything to find out why there were so cheap and I did some research on them but I am guessing not enough. I tried to purchase the product like 3 times with a debit card but it didn’t work. The last attempt was with my credit card and that time it worked…but not really. It told me it had to be processed and I have yet to receive an email with the download. Sigh. That was my fault. I even sent them a ticket request too but I haven’t heard a word back. I was so upset and then I started to worry about my credit card. Nothing was charged to my account but I am going to be keeping an eye on it to make sure it stays that way. I feel really silly about doing that too. I just saw the price and was sure that I had something. Well I did more researching on Photoshop for discounted prices. Adobe does student discounts on their sites but their Creative Suite package is worth $799 and that is for 6. They don’t sell their older products. Man…ugh. I know that sounds like a lot but I know that if you want something that expensive, you save up for it. I am afraid by the time I finish saving for that, it won’t be available anymore on the Adobe site. Like I said before though, I really wish I wouldn’t have fed into that price with the other site. Like I said before, no one has yet to respond to my tickets. Gosh, I really wanted that Photoshop! Until next time.

So as promised

I created another layout! As of right now I am still working on it but the main things are worked out. Just have some more brushing up to do and editing and I will be ready to go! I think I may make another one just in case I get too busy this month with school to keep up with a layout change. I really hope the color of the font isn’t too hard on some of you guys’ eyes. I really worried about that cause I wasn’t sure how to defeat that issue. All the colors that I tried just weren’t good enough or were too strong, in my opinion. I am going to be floating around on here, Tumblr, and LiveJournal for the next week up until school. Well be back soon and like said, I am still working out some of the small kinks! See yah! :hugs: <---smilies test